The Intimacy Trap, Balancing Hormones and the Head

As I had my early morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column captured my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to get love, and guys utilize love to obtain sex." This is a great summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where singles translate great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even farther since for these singles, having sex carries immense meaning and effects.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they believe sex is a needed test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all consciousness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual may be a match on levels besides physical attraction-- such as long-lasting requirements, requirements, and desires-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to correspond with truth when all those hormonal agents are cutting loose. Our body responds to someone we are attracted to by producing hormonal agents such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural state of mind enhancers), and testosterone (increases libido), makings the opportunity to have sex with somebody we are drawn in to incredibly hard to withstand. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce emotions), that makes us feel really near to and bonded with our sex partner.

These chain reactions are involuntary and strong , resulting in powerful sensations of destination, excitement, love, wellness, and closeness .

When issues develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap often rationalize by believing, "Well, we've got problems, however the sex is terrific!" They probably would not confess, however they focus on physical intimacy and regard the rest as optional. Their main hunting tools are sexual destination and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI read this article coach who works primarily with gay guys, states that numerous of his clients have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay males particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, which in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical look, encourages sexual activity. Numerous gay males wish to discover from the beginning if a potential partner is going to be sexually compatible. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be good?".

However, North includes, "I believe this is a 'guy' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to point out that chemistry is necessary. Yet, chemistry is a considered that we can't manage in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it should be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we can't "make" chemistry take place, though often it can grow over time.

When the hormone-induced intoxication uses off and reality hits, Singles who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure.

To avoid the Sex Trap, you must stabilize your heart (and hormones) with your head. This means combining chemistry with sound judgment. While great sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you require to make your partner choices by paying full attention to your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting sparks!

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