The Intimacy Snare, Stabilizing Hormones and the Noggin

As I had my morning coffee, the "Dear Abby" column caught my eye. A reader composed in with a dating predicament and ended her letter with that often-heard stereotype that "Women use sex to obtain love, and men use love to obtain sex." This is a fantastic summation of the "Sex Trap."

The Sex Trap is similar to the Love Trap, where songs interpret great sex as love. However those who fall under the Sex Trap go even further because for these singles, making love brings immense significance and consequences.

Singles fall under the Sex Trap in one (or both) of two methods:

A.they think sex is a required test of compatibility, (if the sex is excellent then the relationship will ready also).

B.more frequently, all awareness goes out the window, and one or both formerly level-headed songs consider themselves a dedicated couple as quickly as they make love.
So, rather than taking a look at whether this other individual might be a match on levels other than physical attraction-- such as long-term requirements, needs, and wants-- they are blind-sided by the chemistry under the covers.

No doubt, it can be challenging to stay connected with reality when all those hormonal agents are running wild. Our body responds to somebody we are attracted to by producing hormones such as PEA or phenylethylamine (natural amphetamine), dopamine and norepinephrine (natural mood enhancers), and testosterone ( boosts libido), which makes the opportunity to have sex with someone we are drawn in to exceptionally hard to resist. Then, after orgasm, we produce oxytocin (which acts upon the hypothalamus to produce feelings), makings us feel very near and bonded with our sex partner.

These chemical responses are strong and uncontrolled , leading to powerful feelings of attraction, excitement, closeness, well-being, and love .

When problems develop, those who fall into the Sex Trap typically justify by believing, "Well, we've got problems, but the sex is fantastic!" They probably wouldn't confess, but they prioritize physical intimacy and relate to the rest as optional. Their primary scouting tools are sexual attraction and physical compatibility.

Barry North, an RCI coach site who works mostly with gay males, states that a lot of his customers have fallen under the Sex Trap.

" For gay guys particularly in cities, sex is easily offered, and that in itself is a trap," North says. "In addition, the culture, with its focus on physical appearance, encourages sexual activity. Many gay guys wish to discover out from the starting if Going Here a potential partner is going to be sexually suitable. Why waste your time if the sex isn't going to be great?".

North adds, "I think this is a ' man' thing rather than a 'gay' thing.".
I do wish to mention that chemistry is essential. Chemistry is a offered that we cannot control in a relationship; it is either there or not there, and it must be there for the partnership to work. If not there, we cannot find out here "make" chemistry occur, though in some cases it can grow gradually.

Songs who pursue a relationship based upon sexual chemistry risk relationship failure when the hormone-induced intoxication wears off and truth hits.

To prevent the Sex Trap, you should balance your heart (and hormones) with your head. This suggests integrating chemistry with good sense. While excellent sex is very important for a sustainable relationship, you have to make your partner options by paying full focus on your vision, requirements, objectives, and worths -- while feeling all those exciting stimulates!

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